Keeping The Pieces Together

An Amazing Couple

2004-07-05T23:06:00.000-04:00

Tonight my family went to meet & talk with a couple whom have known me since I was 14 years old. My mom started working for them at that time and she is very close with the wife. I will call the hubby R & the wife P. P has been asking and praying for a while now to be Savannah's donor. I called P a few days ago & told her we had decided it would be an honor for us if she would be the donor. It was like she gasped , held her breath for a moment & then with a sigh of relief said, "Thankyou!" Now mind you, P has never met Savannah. R has came to the hospital on various occasions while she has been sick & was there the when Zack & Luke died. When P first saw Savannah tonight she propped up on her elbow on a McD's trash can and just smiled watching her. I had to fight back my tears so hard! To see the love that this woman has for my daughter. To hear her talk of going under the knife for her! To me, my being the donor is no big deal. I am Savannah's mom. Wouldn't any other mom do the same? And grandma's too. Wouldn't any Grandma do that for their grandchild? But to not even know the child... It is truly God's divine intervening. P is really excited about doing this. Her hubby is so proud of her. Her 13 yos thinks it's cool, her 16 yod wants to watch the surgery & her 21 yos wants to know where she finds all these people who need transplants?!?! My mom came over tonight and wanted details of the meeting. I didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say. We talked about all aspects of the transplant and how Savannah's life is now. I don't know. I was very impressed with the both of them. R is a pastor & he made the comment that he preaches & tells his congregation not to be afraid to take risks for Jesus and to do the things that Jesus would do & now he is in those shoes. Irony is a funny thing! Anyway, I still don't know what to say! I am blessed!

The many footprints in the sand.

2004-06-30T20:55:00.000-04:00

Now imagine you and the Lord Jesus walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your prints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns.

For much of the way it seems to go like this. But gradually, your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends.

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: your footprints that once etched the sand next to the master's are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints is the small 'sandprint', safely enclosed. You and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles. But gradually you notice another change. The footprint inside the larger footprint seems to grow larger. Eventually it disappears altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. Again, this goes on for a long time. But then something awful happens. The second set of footprints is back. And this time it seems worse. Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Deep gashes in the sand. A veritable mess of prints.

You're amazed and shocked. But this is the end of your dream. Now you speak. "Lord, I understand the first scene with the zigzags and fits and starts and so on. I was a new Christian, just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with you."

"That is correct."

"Yes, and when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps. I followed You very closely."

"Very good. You have understood everything so far."

"Then the smaller footprints grew and eventually filled in with Yours. I suppose that I was actually growing so much that I was becoming like you in every way."

"Precisely."

"But this is my question. Lord.. Was there a regression or something? The footprints went back to two, and this time it was worse than the first."

The Lord smiles, then laughs. "You didn't know?" He says. "That was when we danced."

~ Author Unknown ~

Here I go again....

2004-06-28T08:33:00.000-04:00

Which Lion King Character Are You?

Created by CrazyCoasterCo.

You're Betty Grable!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Heart is Red

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Savannah's balloon

2004-06-28T07:36:00.000-04:00
If someone you love ever goes into a coma then you will tend to reflect on different things in that persons life. It might be something funny said, something selfish performed, a mile stone or anything. I was reminded of our last trip to Chapel Hill when I decided to get Savannah a balloon. Yes, she was in a coma but I knew she would wake up at some point and she needed a balloon to be waiting for her. In April my MIL went down with Savannah & I for her routine check up and to start discussing a liver transplant. One evening we decided to eat some place nice & just relax. My favorite restaurant ever is Applebee's & luckily we found one! Applebee's is a family restaurant/bar with the best food. They have balloons tied to posts throughout the restaurant and will give kids one as they leave. Well, when Savannah saw them it was driving her crazy wanting one! That was all she could focus on was those colorful balloons. When we got our food I ask Savannah if she was ready to pray & we proceeded to do so. Sometimes I will ask the blessing not really listening to her or I will pray a simple prayer that she can repeat after me. I was asking the blessing and listening to her because at that point she was beginning to compose her own prayers. She began by mumbling something that I couldn't understand and then said I want a bloon. Amen. MIL & I thought it was so cute that she prayed for a balloon and needless to say, her prayer was answered! Everywhere she went that evening she had a blue (if memory serves me) balloon following her!

Home Again

2004-06-27T20:37:00.000-04:00
WOW! Glad that is over! What a week. This is the worse Savannah has ever been. When she was 6 months old she was airlifted with an 800 (266 CH) ammonia. Her ammonia reached 972 (324 CH)Tuesday. It was like everything we have always experienced with Vanna went the opposite direction this time. Tuesday she spiked a fever of 102.7, white count was low and she was "spitting up", not vomiting. Every test to find the infection was performed & everyone of them came back negative. The docs went ahead and gave her antibiotic shots and through her IV to fight whatever it was off. She had an allergic reaction. Sheesh, then one ER doc heard a heart murmur. That has been passed off as a reaction to the high ammonia. So we still don't know what caused this episode & guess we never will. It is so much easier when you can pin point the culprit...
Stan & I were still able to meet with 3 out of 4 people we needed to. Savannah was naturally unable to have any of her tests completed. We go back July 21, 22nd to hopefully complete these. We did learn that Savannah's insurance has made some changes and the operation may not be covered after all OR we may have to go out of state to a hospital that has "made a deal" with her carrier to have the TX done cheaper. That is pathetic! So put that in your prayer list please. I will call the financial advisor tomorrow to see if she can go ahead & check into it for me so I know just how much fund raising I need to do.
tonight Savannah is acting like she was this time last week. I have quizzed her on everything possible searching for any hint of brain damage and my professional observation is that God has preserved it! Thank you God for your grace & goodness!

Still Procratinating...

2004-06-21T16:58:00.000-04:00

I AM 18% HIPPIE!
What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man.
Take the HIPPIE test at Fuali.com

I AM 13% GRUNGE!
I will get out of your sight. I'm pathetic! With my clean clothes, and nice smell. I think I took the wrong test, thank god, huh?
Take the GRUNGE test at Fuali.com

What to do when you can't take a chill pill...

2004-06-21T15:19:00.001-04:00
Well, I am quiet nervous & instead of getting things done- I'm on the puter!

Which Emoticon Are You?
Renee, the emoticon that represents you best is the Winking Face

Well, hello there (wink, wink). Aren't you quite the flirt? Maybe you reserve your talents to the online realm where you can be somewhat anonymous and sly. Or maybe you're just great at turning on the charm virtually anywhere — online or off.
Tickle: IQ and Personality Tests - Which Emoticon Are You?

Ok gonna go I am to distracted....

What to do when you can't take a chill pill...

2004-06-21T15:19:00.000-04:00
Well, I am quiet nervous & instead of getting things done- I'm on the puter!

Which Emoticon Are You?
Renee, the emoticon that represents you best is the Winking Face

Well, hello there (wink, wink). Aren't you quite the flirt? Maybe you reserve your talents to the online realm where you can be somewhat anonymous and sly. Or maybe you're just great at turning on the charm virtually anywhere — online or off.
Tickle: IQ and Personality Tests - Which Emoticon Are You?

Ok gonna go I am to distracted....

Phone Call To God

2004-06-16T15:55:00.000-04:00
Hello God,
I called tonight to talk a little while.
I need a friend who'll listen to my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me, so I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep my family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence for whatever fate they're bound. Give me faith, dear God, to face each hour throughout the day,
and not to worry over things I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home and listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice when I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one that answers every time.
I never get a busy signal, never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening to my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too, and I'll call again tomorrow!

unknown

2004-06-16T06:41:00.000-04:00

What a great way to spend your 29th birthday!

What Breed Dog Are You & Other Fun Stuff!!

2004-06-09T22:06:00.001-04:00
Renee, you're a Golden Retriever!
No bones about it, you're a popular, fun-loving Golden Retriever. Adored by all and too cool for school, you're extroverted and enthusiastic. Your magnetic personality makes you the life of any bash. Since you're a true people-dog, you genuinely love all kinds of social gatherings. Going to parties, dinners, and other shindigs is the best way to add faces to your constantly growing circle of friends. But besides being on the social A-list, you're a confident, well-rounded pup who's definitely something to bark about. Pretty accomplished at anything you set your mind to, your sunny nature and winning ways make you one of everyone's favorite dogs. Woof!Are you male or female?
Tickle: Social Networking
I AM 14% GEEK!
I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear
Take the GEEK test at Fuali.com
I AM 36% INTERNET ADDICT!
I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the INTERNET ADDICT test at Fuali.com

What Breed Dog Are You & Other Fun Stuff!!

2004-06-09T22:06:00.000-04:00
Renee, you're a Golden Retriever!
No bones about it, you're a popular, fun-loving Golden Retriever. Adored by all and too cool for school, you're extroverted and enthusiastic. Your magnetic personality makes you the life of any bash. Since you're a true people-dog, you genuinely love all kinds of social gatherings. Going to parties, dinners, and other shindigs is the best way to add faces to your constantly growing circle of friends. But besides being on the social A-list, you're a confident, well-rounded pup who's definitely something to bark about. Pretty accomplished at anything you set your mind to, your sunny nature and winning ways make you one of everyone's favorite dogs. Woof!Are you male or female?
Tickle: Social Networking
I AM 14% GEEK!
I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear
Take the GEEK test at Fuali.com
I AM 36% INTERNET ADDICT!
I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the INTERNET ADDICT test at Fuali.com

Ink Blot Test

2004-06-08T21:39:00.000-04:00
Thanks angi!

Renee, your subconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

This means you have a deep desire to use innovative ideas to enhance your life and influence the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

Your need to be innovative drives how you look at new opportunities and the kinds of experiences in life you choose to have. On an unconscious level, the reason you may be so driven by imagination is your fear of destruction, the opposite of creation. When you are unable to create due to restrictions imposed by your environment or even ones you unwittingly impose on yourself, do you feel trapped or confined? You may find these feelings of unease only get better when you find another outlet for your imagination.

With such a strong creative orientation, you are willing to entertain a broad spectrum of ideas at any given time. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn't have thought of without your help.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Imagination, there is much more to who you are at your core.

WOW! THAT WAS DEEP!! Tickle's Original Inkblot Test

More Quizzes

2004-06-08T15:02:00.000-04:00
Got this from Angi

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quizzes

2004-06-08T11:47:00.000-04:00

You're a Spirograph!! You're pretty tripped out,
even though you've been known to be a bit
boring at times. You manage to serve your
purpose in life while expending hardly any
effort.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I actual had one of these and loved it! I would still play with one if my kids had it! Maybe I should buy them one?

Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
OK- Thought twice before posting this one but thought what the heck, it's just a stupid quiz! lol

You are CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL. She is a rad
chick with absolutely no fashion sense. If you
are a guy and chose this... you are gay.

Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I have never watched this show but my son has...

Name Acronym

2004-06-07T21:36:00.000-04:00

R Responsible
E Elitist
N New
E Exciting
E Enchanting

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Noner of tyhe above is true! :~)

Compatibility

2004-06-07T20:13:00.000-04:00
I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, disgustingly generous, pathetically simple-minded, dribbling child!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Thanks Dawn

weekend updates

2004-06-06T21:52:00.000-04:00
We now have only 8 silkies. My dog caught one through a little hole in the coop, this morning another was dead. My poor babies! This afternoon one didn't look good at all so I have been nursing him in the house all day. He is doing better. My hubby finally "took care" of the coo-coo rooster. The other chickens are so much calmer now & let us pet them with no problem. He really kept them on edge.

Last night was poker night. The ever so competitive T (Angi's hubby) & Angi came up and baby I was hot!! I lost under a technicality. At 1am we decided to call it quits and go all in on the last hand. T won... again. 3 weeks in a row now. My hubby & I don't really care who wins as long as it's not him. Angi & I both are improving but I must admit I did enjoy not having to be permanent dealer. (sorry Angi)

It was announced at our church this morning that Savannah is getting a liver tx. Some people thought it would take a year to actually get one & were surprised to find out otherwise. Shara has done something so beautiful & touching to me that I will always treasure. Thanks again Shara. A little lady at a church a distant relative goes to gave her $20 out of her love offering for Savannah's fund today. That is so precious. God is using little Savannah in so many ways & I thank Him for it all.

I am a strawberry

2004-06-04T21:55:00.000-04:00

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen!

A 250 year old sword

2004-06-04T18:19:00.000-04:00
I am selling this sword for a friend of my mom's on eBay. (haven't listed it yet) It is an government issue basket hilt for the Scottish Regiment, circa 1760 with a 31 1/2" blade. It is really neat to have something so old that may have been used in battles in my house. EJ thinks its awesome & I have seen hubby pretend battling with it! Picture blog isn't working for me today so go to this link & check it out! Antique Sword #39

2004-06-02T20:31:00.000-04:00
OK I have home schooled my son this past year and come to enjoy a new found level of affection that I am aloud to show him. Well, today that all changed. He is returning to public school for 8th grade & I went to turn in all the necessary paperwork today. As we were leaving there was a room full of girls in a room that recognized him & started saying Hey! So we went back & talked for a moment. As we left EJ looked nervous so I put my arm around him and proceeded to say, "don't look so scared." Before I could he reaches his hand to my arm and instantly pushes it off his shoulder. I said, Oh, no more affection from mom huh?" So, more adjustments than I realized will need to be made. He made me laugh a few minutes later saying he had to start working out because there was competition with the girls in public school. Too funny!!

2004-06-02T15:33:00.000-04:00

1st of my baby Silkies! Awwww I have helped 4 today come out of their egg, 3 died during the night half way out. We now have 9 alive, 7 of those are doing great. The other 2 I am still concerned about.

2004-06-01T16:41:00.000-04:00
My baby Silkies
This morning 7 were piping, this afternoon 10. 30 minutes later one is born & keeps falling on its back & can't get turned back over like a turtle. Another the shell if half gone, lots of blood & no life. :~( 2 others have a decent hole where I can see the beak and some feathers. They both look like their breathing is slowing (or am I now paranoid?) Not as much peeping as earlier. You can't help them out until after they have been piping for 24 hours. Oh, I want to help them out so bad but if I do I could kill them by not allowing them to fully absorb the yolk. I hope lots of baby chicks live. The one that is out is yellow. The 2 with the holes are black. I love baby chicks!

2004-06-01T08:47:00.000-04:00
I have spent the morning working on some things for Vanna. I went to hersite and was amazed that it has had about 100 hits over the weekend. I have been researching charity organizations to see what funds are available and everyone says the same thing. We are responsible for raising what we can and use the organizations as a last resort. Angi, my mom, sister & mother-in-law have formed our own support group and have a lot of good ideas to raise the funds we need to cover our expenses. The only problem is it takes money to make money. So I am waiting for the first donations so we can get started. We are going to type out a letter and mail to all the local churches, make a donation jar for 4 businesses that we know of so far, make business cards with Vanna's pic and addresses for donations to give out to friends, & have a benefit singing at some point. I am really excited about it all & I know the funds will be provided. God hasn't brought us this far to drop us like a sack of tators. (my moms words)!

On another not I just checked and we have 7 Silkie eggs piping! It is so sweet, you can hear them peeping and there isn't even a real hole yet! Our roosters days are very short & he doesn't even know it. He is a psycho! You go in to feed them and he flogs you - repeatedly - if you let him.

2004-05-31T22:14:00.000-04:00
Well, I'm back! I haven't even viewed my blog in about 2 weeks. Bad Naynay. Savannah will be getting a new life soon! I can't wait. I am so glad the time has come. I am so at ease with the whole thing. I have always been totally against liver transplant. I always said, "not until we absolutely have to!" I was terrified. Now, I am calm. It's really funny. My mom & Mom-in-law wanted a family meeting for me to reassure them. It's pretty crazy but I have always been the one to support them when it comes to Vanna. I was dreading the meeting all day but it ended up being ok. Hubby even sat in and heard a lot of what to expect. After they all left he told me how he felt. He said & I quote, "If anything happens to either one of you, it will be the end of me." And I believe him. He would run but I think (hope) after a year or 2 he would come back. he did the same thing when the twins died. I am hoping CH will call tomorrow with the appointments for the first set of tests. All I know is sometime in June. Well, tomorrow is June so lets get on with it!! I really, honestly can't express the joy & contentment in my heart. I keep telling my mom, hubby, & mom-in-law to pray for God to give them the peace & grace because He will! I am proof. They say God answers prayers in 3 ways. Yes, No & Wait. I have been waiting for almost 4 years and He has finally said Yes!! Oh, I'm so excited!

2004-05-20T23:44:00.000-04:00
What a life. You get a cold & end up being hospitalized. Can't hardly walk, falling from ammonia induced seizures, dazed, confused, in & out of alertness, & when it's all over you will feel like you've been on a drunk and have a 2-3 day hangover.

This is my Savannah today. She has been battling a cold for a week Thursday. Her body can tolerate 2-3 days before her liver gets tired of working overtime and then the poison starts creeping into her body at magnificent brain damaging levels, but so slowly only the trained eye can spot it happening before comma hits. How is she going to feel about this when she's 8 or 10 or 15? How do I feel about it now?

This child has been through more in her 3 1/2 years than most adults ever will. She goes through it smiling. She knows all the routines. 3 docs come in one after another but all doing the things: listening with her taking deep breaths, looking in the ears, nose mouth, eyes, feeling and pushing hard to make sure the liver isn't hardening. She will open her mouth, lift her shirt and anything else any of them want to do. She will jerk her tegrederm off like its nothing while 10 year olds scream in objection & pain. She has only ask to go home once and told her daddy to go back to work when he came to visit. She is mammas girl. Our bond is so strong just like with EJ. They have both had a rough life but momma has & always will be there for them both. They know that. I have made sure.

Sometimes I start feeling sorry for myself & for Vanna. I know, I know there are others worse off but everyone has there own set of problems, equally as hard in their eyes. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I never dreamed of having to be so educated in this disease. I never dreamed I would be teaching Doctors with medical degrees in the city of Asheville about all aspects of this life controlling disease including how to treat it. My brain goes on over load. I know God gave Savannah to me because he knew I could handle it but man... I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that without His grace there would be know way.

It is midnight so I need to go & supervise the next ammonia draw. I will get to go to sleep around 2am. I will wait for the results and contact the local genetic doc to determine our next step. Good night all

2004-05-17T09:47:00.000-04:00
Bike Riding
In the pouring rain with no rain gear! It was an adventure. Mom came over and kept the kids so hubby & I could ride yesterday. After double checking the weather channel & seeing only 40% chance of rain we decided it would be safe. I have never wore shorts on the bike because of the risk of getting burnt by the pipes. Well, today I was determined to wear shorts because of the beautiful weather. We rode about 30 miles & stopped for lunch. We ate at a cute little Greek restaurant on the patio with wrought iron tables and chairs & an umbrella to shade us from the sun. Along with the music they were playing it reminded of a scene in one of my all time favorite movies. Raining in Seattle. And then it started raining! Just sprinkles but on a bike that needs tires that is enough to scare you. So we left and managed to dodge the rain for about an hour. We really didn't want our date to end so soon. We traveled up Reynolds Mountain and it was gorgeous. At the top you could see the rain pounding the Blue Ridge Parkway and the thunder was getting closer. No lightning thank goodness. So again we headed out to avoid the rain. I am sorry but people from Florida need to learn to drive our mountains before they move here. We get behind this car that is riding it's brakes all the way down. Very frustrating when trying to get away from something. We finally get down & start heading towards home and run into the rain. It was flooding the roads and hubby could barely see in front of us. It was about a mile before we pulled over & found shelter. This was my first time in the rain and I was soaked. Hubby was worse. Me & my shorts were freezing! It started slacking & we were only about 5 miles from home and decided to take the back road with the least curves seeing as how the back tire has almost no tread. Not even a 1/4 mile and the rain pounds us again. He takes a turn to get us to another back road and towards the lighter sky. We finally get home and the rain was just starting there. Anyway, it was a memorable ride!

Today I will be doing my first "crackle paint" project. My uncle made my mom an outdoor chair with decorative bird houses and she wants me to paint it. The crackle look will give it the weathered look. I am looking forward to it. Painting is like gardening to me. Both are relaxing and can be very good for you.

2004-05-12T20:20:00.000-04:00
THE BEHEADING
I will admit I spent a few minutes trying to find the video online. The whole time I'm searching for it I'm wondering if I will actually watch if I do. I mean really, who wants to watch an actual real life beheading of an innocent American? At first, through hear say, I thought it was a soldier then read the story & realized it was a business man from Pa. This world is sooo messed. But then again that's war. But why video it & release it? I guess some people will get a kick out of watching it, thinking it's TV or something. Others.. won't even entertain the idea of watching it. I keep seeing the video of the man in white shoes falling from the tower. I keep telling myself this is real life. Ever since 9-11 I have for the most part stop watching the news all together. I use to would watch news in the morning & evening everyday. Now it's nothing but a good dose of depression. God said the end times would be perilous times. I know in my heart of hearts it will get even worse than it is now.

2004-05-10T17:43:00.000-04:00
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
This was a wonderful Mother's Day! the first one I've enjoyed in long time. I invited my mom, sis, mother-in-law & great aunt over for dinner. We spent the cool evening on the back porch with a breeze blowing indulging an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. Yummmm

Saturday my hubby & I tore down a 15 year old metal storage building & hauled it to the land field. That place literally smelled like pig shi_. Anyway, it really opened up our back yard! We will sew grass this evening. Our new building will be here in a week and will be placed on the back side of our yard instead of the middle.

Our Silkies have gone coo-coo & I don't mean for cocoa puffs either. The rooster has decided to attack anyone who gets near his territory, the momma doesn't want to lay her eggs in the nest but rather outside in the middle of their run around area, & the momma to be is setting on 21 eggs. That was last at last count, Saturday.

My iris's are in full bloom. Beautiful purples, burgundy and two-tone yellow & white. My day lilies are about to bloom. The tulips are now spent. The glads are coming along nicely as are my other flowers. I am hoping to put in a pond with a rock garden of sorts before the fall in a corner of our yard where the trampoline use to be (before a huge tree fell & crushed it).

Till next time..

2004-05-07T22:19:00.000-04:00
Yes, I am back from vacation. We had a wonderful time but I haven't had a chance to blog because I had to catch up on my blog reading! The weather was perfect. Not to hot not to cold. Spent one evening losing track of time sea shell hunting with EJ. Savannah instantly took the ocean, unlike her reaction last year at Daytona, & named the sand her sand box. Woke up to the most picture perfect sunrise I have ever seen and went to sleep with an equally beautiful full moon. We kept our balcony door open the whole time we were there so we could sleep & wake to the sounds of the ocean. Did a little bit of shopping, flew the kite effortlessly, spent a lot of time in the many pools offered, played at the water park & convinced the cleaning lady that the occupants of our room were shooting up drugs.
What you are asking? Did she just say shooting up drugs??? Yes, I did. One day when the cleaning lady came I was caught off guard. Savannah was napping, EJ & Hubby were in the ocean & I was on the balcony reading when I heard someone in the room. She was a very sweet foreign lady who could speak some English. I started helping her with trash & towels and we were chit-chatting. Nice lady. We go into the kitchen where I had Savannah tubes, syringes, med bottle & other pariphinalia air drying on the counter. She looks at this and points, "This here I know nothing about." I realize what she is thinking and get very nervous and scared. I felt like I had been Caught! I look at Vanna sleeping and point to her saying (no more like stuttering), "These are for her." Then I think oh no, she thinks I'm shooting up my child. I've got to fix this! So I try again, "My daughter has a feeding tube and I use all this to feed her." The cleaning lady insists that, "I know nothing of this. It is OK. I know nothing." So I give up and let her think what she wanted. Looking back it was very funny.

Savannahs scales decided not to work at all until our last day there. I wasn't about to let that ruin my vacation so I reasoned it out and went back to the old school way of measuring her protein. I was a bad mommy & didn't call Chapel Hill Monday. I knew she was OK so I didn't want to deal with that while I was trying to get away from it.

EJ found a sea urchin (sp) and carried it around for a while before he realized IT WAS ALIVE! Too funny. Later he found one that wasn't but we forgot in the hotel room.

I started a photo album and have uploaded pictures from our vacation, so take a look! I have other folders made but no pics in them yet.

2004-05-02T06:34:00.000-04:00
I woke up at 6 am like a kid on the first day of school. I am really excited. Yesterday we got everything packed & you have to remember that with a special needs child like Savannah, you DO have to pack everything including the kitchen sink! I am getting ready to go into my favorites & delete everything that has to do with blogging. My mom is staying here to take care of the dogs & chicks & even though I love her dearly, I don't want to share my blog with her! EJ just got up & said he didn't get much sleep either. To excited. I am hoping that he & I can get up at low tide (or is it high tide) & go sea shell hunting, just the 2 of us. That would be great! Well, off to make some happy family memories!!!

2004-05-01T15:05:00.000-04:00
Going to the beach tomorrow for a few days (hopefully). Leave it to Savannah to start having problems after 3 1/2 years of getting our nerve up to take her more than 2 hours out of our safety net. It has been a rough wee. Savannah sick, mother-in-law & hubby splitting, cousin has baby that has 20-50% survival rate, mom is very depressed.

Will be sooo nice to get away....

2004-04-29T14:02:00.000-04:00
Yesterday was a busy day dealing with doctors & playing the waiting game on test results. For a little while we though Savannah was going to have to go in to the hospital for short term IV Glucose. Long story short, one of her medicines had been ordered from and different company & ended I up giving her higher doses than she needed. Thus causing some rough side effects. While we were waiting for her ammonia level to come back I took her to McD's to play on the playground. I had the OP leave her central line accessed & I was terrified she might get the tubing hung un something while playing or that another kid might push her on her spot. Kids can be rough without meaning to. But everything went fine.

Last night my mother-in-law calls me and said she talked with her hubby & they agreed to split up. I talked to her today & she can't get a grip on herself & is just crying constantly. She is relieved about the split but afraid of losing her house due to financial difficulty. I will be here & help her as much as I can

I went to clean my once a week house this morning & I was locked out. So I went & bought the chicks more food and cleaned the church. When I got home there was a message apologizing for locking me out so I guess I will go tomorrow.

As of today, it is going to be cloudy & rainy every day at the beach until Wednesday- the day we come home. Oh well. It may still change. I hope it's good weather while we are there. It will be nice to get away just the same.

2004-04-28T09:42:00.000-04:00
I'm still a newbie :~)
6.25 %

My weblog owns 6.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

2004-04-28T09:28:00.000-04:00

which smilie are you?

OH Dear...

2004-04-28T09:21:00.000-04:00
Your results are in:
You are a combo of horse and cat!

What animal are you? Take the test!

What animal are you? Take the test!

Anybody else a combo? Got this from Angi.

2004-04-28T09:09:00.000-04:00

What smilie are you? Take the test!

Got his form Dawn & Angi

2004-04-28T08:55:00.000-04:00
Why did my post look the ay it does? In the preview it was fine. I did type it in word perfect then copy & paste. Who knows. Won't do that again.

2004-04-27T13:58:00.000-04:00
I went and did what I normally do when I am depressed, spend $ we don't have to spend. That's Ok though. For the 1st time everyone in my family owns their own beach towel. I bought sunblock & a new 7 foot kite at Sam's. It has blinking lites on it. I bough clothes detergent, canned drinks & sugar. Sams has new Speedo sandal's. I tried them on & they felt so good! I love speedo's. I am saving to buy them. Mom went with me & I enjoyed that. Savannah isn't having a good day. She has been having diarrhea since Saturday and her ammonia was supposedly extremely low yesterday. I haven't felt like dealing with making all the doctor phone calls yet. It is so cold today. Gonna be in the mid 30's tonight. Blackberry frost . Then we should heat up till November or so.

2004-04-25T22:20:00.000-04:00
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings.

Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being
the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of
not having to be at work. Either way, the first few
hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement
ham-shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand
and the morning paper in the other. What began as a
typical Saturday morning turned into one of those
lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.
Let me tell you about it. I turned the dial up into
the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order
to listen to a Saturday morning swap net.

Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap,
with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know
the kind; he sounded like he should be in the
broadcasting business. He was telling whom ever he was
talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I
was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to
say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your
job. I'm! sure they pay you well but it's a shame you
have to be away from home and your family so much.
Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work
sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too
bad you missed your daughter's dance recital" he
continued. "Let me tell you something that has helped
me keep a good perspective on my own priorities."

And that's when he began to explain his theory of a
"thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little
arithmetic. The average person lives about
seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some
live less, but on average, folks live about
seventy-five years.

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times

52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of
Saturdays tha t the average person has in their entire
lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the
important part. It took me until I was fifty-five
years old to think about all this in any detail", he
went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight
hundred
Saturdays."

"I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five,
I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So
I went to a toy store and bought every single marble
they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores
to round up 1,000 marbles. I took them home and put
them inside a large, clear plastic container right
here in the shack next to my gear."

"Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble
out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the
marbles diminish, I focused more on the really
important things in life. There is nothing like
watching your time here on this earth run out to help
get your priorities straight.

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off
with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.
This morning, I took the very last marble out of the
container. I figure that if I make it until next
Saturday then I have been given a little extra time.
And the one thing we can all use is a little more
time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more
time with your family, and I hope to meet you again
here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ,
clear and going QRT, good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this
fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to
think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that
morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few
hams to work on the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a
kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to
breakfast." "What brought th is on?" she asked with a
smile. Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time
since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And
hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I
need to buy some marbles...

A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.

And so, as one smart bear once said...

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a
hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without
you." - Winnie the Pooh.

2004-04-25T22:08:00.000-04:00
I don't know what wrong wiht me. I have had 3 days this week where I just had to go to bed and have a nap. I had been doing so good. I'm still taking my meds. I hate this. So distracted and can't concentrate. I'm wondering if the twins b-day is bothering me more than I want to admit. If so I wish I could hurry up and get it over with. I'm a big downer & whiner. Not in the mood for people. I didn't even call my mom back today. Oh, well. Try to post anything more negative until I get over this.

2004-04-24T22:40:00.000-04:00

I am an Asteroid.

I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind. What Video Game Character Are You?

2004-04-24T21:33:00.000-04:00
Savannah disappeared today. This time I new where she went before she got there! She asked big brother to take her to Nanny & Papaws (walking distance) and he told her she had already been there once today and he wasn't taking her. So I kept an eye on her like every 30 seconds to see if she would try to go alone and yes, she did. I don't mind her going but she is 3 and if something happened there are a few places along the way where no one could see her if she needed help or got attacked by a stray dog or something. We will have to work on that.

I am really excited about vacation. One more week!

I went & had a picture of the twins copied into wallet sizes so I could carry one with me. Stan wouldn't take one. I don't think he will ever "deal" with the loss. It's almost their birthday. We will be back from the beach the day before. Usually the whole month of April is awful because I know that Mother's day (the day I found out they weren't going to make it) Zack & Luke's birthday (May 6th) & the anniversary of their death (May 13 & 14th) is coming up. It is also a precious little boy named Noah's birthday. He was born May 29th. He was the first baby and 1 of 3 that I have held since my loss. I held Noah his first time to church & in the most literal sense, I wanted to run out the door with him and never come back. Yes, I wanted to kidnap that little baby. Oh, well. I didn't. Every year I want to take him birthday shopping and buy 3 of what he wants. One for him and one for each of my boys. I can't/don't read blogs dedicated to healthy babies. I just can't deal with the emotional end of it. I am more interested in the kids with "problems" but can't always read about them. I have to be strong and only read a little. I have learned pretty good as to when I can and how much. Oh, I got side tracked again. This year April hasn't been as bad. I am very glad. I do wish that I could get over the Mother's Day thing for my mother's sake. I use to would do a gift, card & dinner. I have only been getting her a card and when I pick it our I do it without much thought. Maybe this year I will try to do more. Last year I spent the whole day whining to my mother about how hard that day was for me. She deserves more but I am very lucky to have a mother that I can whine to!

Anyway, went to Sears today and we ended up ordering a metal storage building. It is a 10 x 13 so we can tear down the old ugly one and tear down Stan's motorcycle shack. lol! We have 3 weeks to get the ground ready for it. Well, gonna go & figure protein & meds etc. Might be back later. Who knows...

2004-04-23T21:04:00.000-04:00

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

Thanks Shara & Dawn!

2004-04-23T07:52:00.000-04:00
When Savannah got home she was wide awake but very happy to be home. She is so funny trying to tell her version of stories. She gets to excited and stutters alot & says maybe 4 real words. I got her in, told Tiff bye and we went to bed. We read a book and she was out within 2 minutes of finishing it! I went to sleep quickly too!

2004-04-22T23:02:00.000-04:00
WOOHOO! Savannah is coning home. Tiff, my little sister, called and said Savannah is going from bed to couch to the other bed & can't settle down. Shed asked her if she wanted to go home & sleep with mom & dad & she said yes! She does love us!!

2004-04-22T21:11:00.000-04:00
We have a mile-stone tonight. Savannah is spending the night at Bre's (grammy) house. She has never spent the night anywhere without me. I bet she stays all night too. I am sad because I know this means she is still growing up despite all my protesting! She was so happy to be going. I figured her protein, supplemented with Similac, gave her meds, & sent her protein free peanut butter , a free pudding and a sippy cup of milk to go to sleep with. Oh yeah, and 3 Barney videos, Pinky, pilly & blank. (pink stuffed bear, pillow & blanket) Mom was so thrilled. She disappeared again today. Turns out she followed our 2 puppies & 2 other neighborhood dogs to a neighbor's house. No one knew where she was for about 5 minutes. She has been wandering a lot lately. She is very socaible & wants to go visit everyone! We are serously thinking about puuting her in the local Head Start program or a preschool somewhere. She loves being around other kids and I really think it would help her to catch up developemently. Her docs agree and suggested I start out maybe an hour a day just to see if she will be getting sick more often. I guess I could handle an hour a day but my word, I couldn't stand letting her go all day every day. I have spent the past 3 1/2 years preotecting her with my whole being from food and germs that can cause permanat brain damage or kill her. To send her out into the world where no one knows of this disorder and looks at a hot dog & hershey bar as a great treat for kids... Oh dear. That is just too much. Savannah was the first in our state with Citrullinemia and is now 1 of 3. Again, prayer. God will guide us.

I have decided not to make any decisions as far as tx right now. I think I need more reason to. The food issue isn't THAT BIG of an issue right now and she isn't having uncontrolable hyperanemia epesodes, so...

OK I just got side tracked when I made the cit link and read a bunch online so now I am tired. I still have to check out Angi's blog to see her new stuff.

2004-04-22T21:04:00.000-04:00

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

2004-04-21T17:44:00.000-04:00
Well, we didn't get the car. We ( I pay the bills -my fault) have been late too many times on the car we have now. Oh, well.

2004-04-21T13:47:00.000-04:00
Stan brought home a car last night that we are hopefully going to get. We have been looking for a 4 door for about 6 months now. Just trying to find one we can afford payments on. One of the perks of working at a dealership is Stan can get cars wholesale. I think after vacation he is going to quit so he wants to get a car before he does. I really like the car. MORE ROOM! I will know this afternoon if we can get it or not.

Savannah was a major pain with her speech therapists today. She would not go in without me and then she would start crying for no reason, kept telling her teacher no and in general would not cooperate. Mrs. Ellen said she had never done this before. When she was going with Mrs. Linda for Sp ed I warned her that it was a bad day. Savannah didn't make me go with her and this teacher. When she was finished Mrs. Linda said Savannah did the best with her she had ever done. Go figure...

I think a storm is blowing in. The wind has really picked up. I spent all afternoon yesterday packing up winter clothes and dragging out the summer ones. I am so glad to have warm weather here. Well. gonna go meet Stan & see if we can make a deal!

2004-04-19T20:26:00.000-04:00
OK It is official. We are going on our first family vacation! I made the reservations today & if we cancel we lose all our money- so we have to go! Last year Stan & I went to the beach without the kids & missed them desperately. I am really excited! So it looks like Stan will have to stay at his job at least until then. We leave May 2 and will be staying 3 nights in an ocean front room. I love the sound of the ocean. I went to Daytona for the first time last year and I don't think I will ever go back into the water again. At Myrtle you see the occasional jelly fish wash on shore but at Daytona I was SURROUNDED by turtles, starfish, schools of fish & I got out of there before a shark got me! lol. I want the Bahama kind of water & fish. Crystal clear where you can see all the Beautiful fish and not be scared of them. If I can't see it until it is 2 feet in front of me then forget it. EJ loves the ocean. He loves the sand. He will swim & play all day. Savannah got the salt water in her eyes first thing at Daytona & wouldn't go near it again. She does love the water though. I bet we won't get her out of the pool!

Spring is my most favorite time of the year. The days are long and I can sit outside listening to the birds. Everywhere I turn there are signs of new life. Beautiful life! The painting by God's hand. I awake to the sunrise & the birds awakening singing their good morning songs. The squirrels playing chase. The rooster crowing to let us know it's morning. Flowers of every color imaginable blooming. Soon the mountains will be a thick blanket of a lush green. Not a sign of deadness anywhere! Being able to open my windows and leave them open at night, watching the sunset and waiting for the first fire fly to catch! I love spring.

2004-04-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

You are Romans.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-04-17T22:12:00.000-04:00

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably: A dinosaur
If not then you were: A crazy guy on the S-Train
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

2004-04-17T21:21:00.000-04:00
What a week! I feel better now than I have in a while! I think the CH trip was bothering me really bad and I didn't realize it. (or it was pms) I am beginning to think Savannah's cold is more allergy related. IT is running clear with no sneezing or coughing. She ate better the last 2 days. She only got in 2.1g protein today so I am having to supplement 4.4g which gives about 16 oz to get in her tonight. I just tubed about 5 and will tube more in another 1 1/2 hour or so.

My poor poor 13 year old son! He saw something today that every kid sees and never forgets. Their parents having sex. Stan & I haven't had sex in a couple of weeks & the kids were down at Nanny & Papaws so we though we would have some fun. You know how you try to spice things up by having sex in a room other than your bedroom? Well, we were in the living room floor. Stan had shut & locked the front door but the back door was wide open. We had some nice music playing and were having a good ole' time when all of a sudden Stan says, "No, go away." LOL I am like ,"What?" I though he was talking to one of the dogs. He said , "EJ." Oh My Goodness. We didn't know what to do. To get to our bedroom you have to walk past the back door. My son is naive I didn't know where he would be. So I peep and he is on the porch with his back to us. It was awful. Stan and I both were so thrown. I remember when that happened to me as a child & how embarrassed and weird it made me feel. My parents didn't acknowledge what I had saw so I had to figure it out on my own. Anyway, I got dresses and went and talked to my son who (until now) thinks Stan & I have only had sex twice. He thinks this because I have had 2 pregnancies. I guess he though you got pregnant automatically. Maybe that was a good thing. Oh well. He and us will be more careful now! LOL

I went to my first baby shower in almost 6 years for a cousin I have only seen twice in the last 17 years. It went really well & I'm glad I went. I kept waiting for my dad to walk through the door. I'm glad he didn't get wind of the shower & come uninvited anyway. It would be like him to do that.

Stan's drinking isn't bothering as bad either. It's awful but I enjoy being around him more when he has a drink or two in him. He really opens up and "talks" to me. It shouldn't be that way. I don't want to start wanting him to drink. I really need to pray about this and give it to the Lord.

Let Go & Let God
As children bring their broken toys,
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around & tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again
& cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child" He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
-unknown

2004-04-13T15:03:00.000-04:00
When we got home from dentist & therapy today the yellow hen has laid an egg! She laid it in gravel on the opposite side of our momma hen. So I built the yellow hen her own box. While looking for materials to use I find a whole bag full of plastic Easter eggs (a little late huh?) EJ calls for Savannah & I give her the bag of eggs. A few minutes later she is yelling "kank u chee!" She is thanking the chickens for her pretty colorful eggs. It was hilarious. I continue the task of building a box not thinking what Vanna might be doing. When we come back in the house she has 6 uncooked real eggs in the living room floor and a pot. Hershey is trying to get one in his mouth and she is proud of her efforts to cook the eggs! Thank goodness none broke open. She would be swelled up like a balloon by now. We have had a good day today. Better than yesterday. Stan is doing some better too.

2004-04-12T21:14:00.000-04:00
What is about Fear Factor? My 3 year old loves that show! I'm in here on the computer and hear that it is a beauty pageant fear factor or something like that. So I yell to my husband that I am sure they are all so ugly. Have you noticed there is never ever an ugly girl on that show? Anyway he says yeah dirt ugly. He changed the channel & Vanna says, "I wont watch dat". So he puts it back and she watches it and makes all the right oohs & ahhs when appropriate. She likes to watch survivor too. Go figure. She was a but today to Amy. Amy was giving her a bath and Savannah kept telling her to go away. I didn't even know she could say that much less use it in context. EJ got one of the original Nintendo systems tonight. He was so excited but it's wore out and won't hardly play any of the games. I got Stan into playing poker on pogo tonight and he loved it. He watches the WPT (world poker tour) all the time now. He hasn't drunk any tonight! He came home ill & wouldn't look at me. He said it was his work. I told him he couldn't take it out on me & the kids. He lightened up after I made him a resume' and emailed it to a few companies.

I have been working on my 100 things about me for a couple of weeks now. I'm almost done! It has been fun because I am really bad for having chain reaction thoughts. That works good for a short bio! Savannah's cold is getting worse. I keep feeling of her forehead. The little girl Katlyn that she played with Saturday had a runny nose so I wonder if that is where she got it. Still waiting to hear what her blood type is. When Sheron called today I wasn't here. Oh, well. Talked with my brother today. He was asking all kinds of questions. I hate repeating myself to some many people all the time but when it's someone who genuinely cares I don't mind and actually it helps to talk to someone who REALLY wants to know and can understand instead of it all blowing their mind away and then they pretend to know what you are talking about. OK back to my bio

2004-04-12T15:10:00.000-04:00
The kids, Stan, cashier at Wal-mart... everybody is getting on my nerves today. I feel so anxious. Trying not to take a nerve pill. Have another busy week. Too many doctor appointments. EJ is going to miss his next 2 choir practices. Savannah has a cold. Homeschooling + Special need kids = Disaster for Mom

Stan calls & says the usual. I am to the point now where I just say, "OK Honey quit! You've been talking about it for so long & I have to listen to you every day so just quit already." Goodness, it's getting on my nerves. He promised he would read this one package of info on the liver transplant this weekend. He forgot. When I called him from CH the night after I had the meeting I was telling him everything I had learned and ask him what he thought. I have researched this transplant off & on for 3 1/2 years now & give him info when he is in a listening mood. So at the meeting with the liver doc I only learned a couple of things new. That's why I ask him what he thought. I wasn't wanting a go ahead with the tx or anything. I was looking for support or for him to say no or say yes go ahead and find out more or something. Ya know what I got. "Well Honey, you know I will think whatever you think." Hello. Why can't my husband face this and come to his own conclusions? I have been asking him to please please pray and see what if anything that God will say to him about it. This is his daughter & her life. Get involved is what I want to scream at him. Help me please. He did come to the conclusion that he will not be the donor unless it is life or death. What a wimp. I don't want him to be the donor because we can't afford for him to take 6 weeks off work but we hadn't even discussed this when he made his decision. He told me he was to scared to be cut on. Yeah it is scary but again- HELLO. THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER. Take part somewhere sometime. We haven't had sex since I left. I guess I am kind of upset that he isn't taking more interest in this. All he does is gripe about his job and drink every couple of days. I know I'm not perfect but this is huge ya know. OK I feel a little better now but I'm sure I'll be back soon!

2004-04-11T07:31:00.000-04:00
I have been meditating a lot on what I've learned this week. When you don't know what to do stand still and watch the wonders of God. One thing I LOVE about Chapel Hill is staying at the Ronald McDonald House. Not because it's cheaper or there are toys everywhere for Vanna but because there is a gazebo out back. Every morning I get my coffee and sit in there just me & God. I don't know why I feel him so strongly there. Maybe because when Vanna was first born I spent a lot of time praying in that gazebo. It is so peaceful with the birds singing. The house is quiet. Just me & God!

Stan's drinking is really starting o bother me again. He is ill now until he gets his first drink in him. He has been drinking for about 1 1/2 years now. I have been sober for about 7 years and no the symptoms. He is headed down the wrong path. He is becoming dependent & can't even see it.

We had a good time at Lisa & EW's yesterday. (in-laws) Me & the kids went with Lisa to her daughters house and dyed Easter eggs. That was fun. We are having a small get together at my house today. My mom, sister, and a couple of cousins. I think it is going to rain :~(

Our Easter program is at church today. I am excited!

2004-04-10T08:22:00.000-04:00
OK I am back! I came to my computer my last to have some fun and guess what! The server was down argggg. Anyway. I haev updated Savannah's site with info about the trip. I don't have time to write in my blog now. I have got to e-mail my friend who is going to have a mojor breakdown if God doesn't intervene soon. Then again the saying I often hate to hera. God will never put on us more than we can bear. Be back soo.

The chicks are sooo cute

2004-04-04T16:36:00.000-04:00
OK I have to be at church in 25 minutes but I had to get this out of me. We now have 8 baby chicks and more coming!!! They are soooo cute. Some are solid black & the others are yellow with black spots. This is a unique breed called Silkies. Anyway, we leave tomorrow for CH. Nervous but better than I was. EJ has decided to stay with my cousin Anita instead of Angi. I will update Savanah's Caring Bridge page when I get back. I am going to try and get access to a computer while I'm down there but I have never had any luck. OK Bye for now.

2004-04-01T20:55:00.000-05:00
Today has been much better! Yesterday I ended up in the bed for the whole afternoon and it was all I could do to be "up" for Stan. When I am depressed I do 1 of 3 things or all 3. Eat myself to death, stay in bed or shop & spend way to much $. I was in the bed yesterday, I spent $450 today so will I eat like crazy tomorrow? I get so nervous before a trip to CH. I do feel better today though. I am using my blogger as my note taker for the purpose of being able to share it with Angi. I know without asking you will read it all and even do research on your own! Thanks.

I ask Stan tonight to take over in the evenings for me with Savannah. He said no immediately. He told me he has a stressful day at work & he needs to relax at home. OK. So I have to deal with the stress 24/7? What's up with that. He told me he would help me when I need him to. So every night I will at least try to get him to g-tube her & give meds. When I do ask he makes me feel guilty for it. It is so aggravating.

We should have some baby silkies any day now! I keep listen for little peeps when I go to check on the hen. They will hatch while we're gone next week I'm sure. Well, I promised Savannah I would paint her nails-

2004-03-31T19:08:00.000-05:00
UNC Chapel Hill Comprehensive Transplant Center

UNC Chapel Hill 1st live donor (adult) tx in NC 1998 began program in 1996
Since 1991 over 500 tx
291 adult liver transplants & 52 pediatric
1 year survival rate for peds is 92%
UNC is one of 10 centers nationwide studying live donor tx (adult to adult)
1997 1st ped live donor to donor tx
Less risky to donor when giving to child- don't have to take as much
Post-surgical problems for donors can include infection, pneumonia and leaking bile, which can require further surgery
Robert S. Brown, Jr., M.D., M.P.H., is Medical Director of the Center for Liver Disease and Transplantation. Trained in gastroenterology and hepatology, Dr. Brown was a transplant fellow at the University of California, San Francisco, where he trained in pediatric and adult liver transplantation under Drs. Jack Lake, Nancy Ascher and Jean C. Emond. As an attending hepatologist at UCSF, Dr. Brown cared for more than 200 patients before and after liver transplantation. In 1996, Dr. Brown earned his Masters of Public Health degree in outcomes research from UC Berkeley, and became medical director of the liver transplant program at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, where he was instrumental in building that program and conducting important research on the clinical and cost outcomes of liver disease.

Under Dr. Brown’s stewardship, the UNC liver transplant program grew to become the largest in North Carolina and among the largest in the Southeast. More than half of all liver transplants in North Carolina were performed at UNC-Chapel Hill, and referrals to Dr. Brown for transplant evaluation grew steadily from eight per month at the start of his tenure to 40 per month.

2004-03-31T07:34:00.000-05:00
Good morning. I am deep in thought today about how messed up life (for everyone every where) seems to be. I have never seen so much hate and misery. Deception and adversity is everywhere. I use to feel that you can handle any situation (with God of course) in how you looked at it. I could almost always see God working through all these... "bad" things. Lately its been hard too. I have let myself become distracted by things of the world and by my own will. The bible says to come as a little child. I listen to my 3 year old pray. She will pray for her bath, toys and everyone in her family including herself. And Me! she will say. She isn't afraid to pray for her bath. God wants us to pray for the little things that don't seem to matter instead of waiting for the big things to take over. If we will submit to His perfect will in the little things then letting Him handle the biggies will be no problem.

I am going to the dentist today. Consultation for having my wisdom teeth removed. They will most likely have to cut out.

EJ did the strangest thing this am. He got up and came to me (*no good am or anything) just told me to take my shoes off. My 1st thought was he is going to kiss my feet. Is he having a seizure or something? Has Ham & Cheese took over his mind???? I said, "Why"? He said, "just take em off". His eyes looked ok. Ham & Cheese wasn't there. So I decided to humor him. He did indeed kiss my feet. I'm thinking NO Only kiss the feet of Jesus!! He said, "I am so sorry. I did not take my shower last night". "OK just don't kiss my feet," I said.

I got a blessing yesterday. My step MIL bought 100 med bottles and 35 caps for Savannah. It was like Christmas! I can't wait to throw out the old bottles and start using new PLUS have a back up supply! WOOHOO

Stan didn't threaten to quit work yesterday. Phew. He is having strange conversations with the guys at work though. He wanted to know why we never had any fun in bed like Eric & his wife does. Whatever...
Well, the kids call but I will be back at some point today...

2004-03-30T08:17:00.000-05:00
EJ has choir today. I don't feel like taking him. I thought I would be cleaning for Marlena today but she has to save her $ for CH next week. Anyway, I had already ask my sister to take EJ to choir for me so I could clean for Marlena. I think I am going to let her take him anyway. I feel like I am using her but man.. Mentally I am getting very tight & tired. I need to be home & get things ready. I still haven't worked on my list of questions & I know if I wait to long I won't be able to think of any. Found out that Savannah possibly & EJ definitely has to be pre-med for teeth cleaning. I have to call & schedule that today and schedule my extractions for my wisdom teeth. I can no longer sleep on my sides anymore. Kills my back. I have got to see a doc. I told Ron & Marlena last night that we are seriously considering a TX. They a supportive & offered to be tested. I don't think Marlena can because of the cancer & Ron's heart wouldn't hold up. It's the thought that counts though. I can't believe the change in me, but ya know I always said God would have to give me the OK about it and He has (at least for this 1st meeting). I wasn't expecting it this soon if ever! Isn't it wonderful & awesome how God can change our desires. Until next time...

2004-03-30T08:14:00.000-05:00

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

2004-03-25T20:44:00.000-05:00
When I was little I would put myself to sleep by day dreaming. I would always day dream about my wedding. I would picture my gown and how white it was. I would see all the beautiful lace and the most gorgeous train! I remember doing this almost every night. After I got married I would day dream about meeting my prince in shining armor. There would be no drugs, no drinking & no beatings. He would be completely taken with me and want to be with me every moment. After my divorce the dreams became focused on materialistic things. A car, clothes, just anything trying to fill the void in my life. After I got what I had my eyes set on I would move onto another materialistic dream. After a few years I met Jesus and I would go to sleep at night reading my Bible. Shortly after, I remarried and was happy. My day dreams soon turned to the twin boys who were on there way. What they would look like, how I would dress them, how I would paint one of their toe nails so we could tell them apart. All the typical stuff. I didn't have dreams for them to be successful, famous or high in society. I wanted them to be best friends. I would be watching them have a conversation with each other and how they reacted to the other one and I would be so proud! After their death, and for the past 6 years, my day dreams keep me awake at night. I cry during the day. I hurt and get angry. My day dreams are a rerun now. I replay my whole pregnacy and their birth. I think if I had done this then things would be different. If this test had been done, why didn't the doc check that, who missed the prenatal screening, what if, what if. I replay the moment that the doctor who now helps care for Savannah told me. How he took me and Stan in a room with a couple other doctors and how he calmly explained to me what was wrong and then how I had to have him repeat, "There's nothing we can do." How I ran out of that room and collapsed into my husband in the hall. How that stupid social worker wanted me to go into another room so other parents wouldn't see me. The Saturday before they died I told Stan I had always wondered what my purpose in life was. I told him I knew what it was. I was to care for those 2 boys that God had given me. Only to be taken 4 days later.

Today I started dreaming a new dream. I couldn't quit. I normally never ever let this dream come near me but today I did. I have been dreaming about taking Savannah to a restaraunt and asking her what she wanted. No scales to weigh the food with. No tube feeding. If she didn't eat then no big deal. If she cleared her plate and wanted 2nds, fine. Introducing her to a bowl of cereal. What kid doesn't like that. And how about a candy bar!! No more worrying about brain damage and running to the hospital on the spur of a moment and then counseling the docs & nurses and guiding them with her care. Getting rid of the foreign object coming out of her belly and the lines running through her neck to her heart. What a life she would have. And then the thought would enter if she didn't make it, I would leave. Just leave. Get EJ and go. Start a whole new life somewhere away from everything that reminded me of the past. And then I think I could never be away from my family but then could I stand to be around them. My mom would call this projecting. Yeah maybe, but I like this dream. I want it to come true.

2004-03-24T17:21:00.000-05:00
I am so tired today. Fatigued. Don't really know why unless it's just the whole period thing. Savannah & EJ went to the dentist today. EJ has 3 cavities. 1st time in about 6-7 years that he has had one. They wouldn't clean his teeth because of his heart murmur. I couldn't remember if he was suppose to do the pre-med or not. Savannah was scared... Naturally. Overall her teeth look good. She has some soft places that will turn to cavities quick so I have to keep an eye on them. I have to check with her doc to see of she needs pre-med because of her port-a-catheter. We went to watch EJ. I thought that would help Savannah to see her brother lay back in the big chair. The nurse in there got an attitude with me because Savannah wouldn't them clean her teeth. She said, "My boy is only 2 and he has had his teeth cleaned twice! I'm just one of those moms that takes control and makes my kid do what he is suppose to." Well, if I hadn't been so tired or if I had been in a bad mood that girl would have gotten a piece of me. Long story short I told her Savannah has had so many surgeries & is in & out of the hospital so much that she gets a little afraid when she sees someone new with gloves & a mask on. (she even cries when she sees me with them on). The nurse went out to get xrays & came back apologizing. It ended up we have both buried children and she jumped on me without knowing our circumstances. She apologized until we walked out the door. Jodi, an online friend of mine posted a nice story about that same thing. We don't know what people have faced or might be facing when we cross their paths. It's best to smile and nod.

Stan still doesn't know anything about his pay yet. Hopefully we will find out soon.

Got the appointment today with the liver doc (can't remember the technical term) who would/will be following Savannah before & after TX. The co-ordinator & a social worker will be at the meeting. They might do some blood work while we are there. Might as well, Muenzer will be. So I will be in CH from April 5th - 8th. Amy, Savannah's new nurse is working out great so far. Her house burnt down in December and they lost everything. She has 3 kids. She is always so happy! Seems genuine. I wish I could smile and talk about tragedies without melting and take the lesson for what it is or was.

I ordered some cala lilies & fox glove today. Can't wait to get them in the ground! Well, Stan will be home soon. I need to go get Savannah on the house.

2004-03-24T17:17:00.000-05:00

Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-22T10:00:00.000-05:00
What a weekend! I don't know if I should blame it on Satan or PMS! I was very ill Saturday. My mom offered to keep the kids that night so me & hubby could go out. We never turn that down. Then Stan's dad wanted to come out. Told him we had plans and he got all upset. Then Stan's mom wanted us to come to her house to grill. Told her the same & she got all huffy. Then she called needing me to send something Savannah could eat. I have tried & tried to get her to keep a bag of tator tots. I told her what kind and how many to cook her. No weighing just count them. I have made it very simple but she can't or won't? Who knows. Then she won't eat in front of Savannah. I was already ill so I went & got Vanna brought her home did meds and fed her myself. It gets so aggravating. I mean, it's hard enough to keep things here for her. I can't stoke everyone else's house too. So I got calmed down over that and we went out and had dinner. Stan drank a little bit too much and we when we got to Walmart he almost flipped out. I parked and he said wait a minute. The car in front of us had a young guy & girl in it. They started kissing and he says lock the doors and get out of here. I looked at him and said leave Walmart or get out of the car? He's freakin out. He says there 2 queers in front of us kissing! I get him calmed down & he sees that it is a guy & a girl. Anyway, he said that he & the guys eyes met and he could tell that guy was trouble. Stan says he can read peoples eyes & that people talk to you with their eyes. I don't look at people that much. I don't care what they are doing or if they are looking at me. He says its smart to know who's around you and what they are doing. I just think he takes it too far. He was car jacked about 8-10 years ago and had the soup beat out of him. I think all this stems from that.

Sunday morning I almost didn't go to church. That was definitely satan because I enjoyed the service very much. After last nights service I ended up having to apologize to my mother-in-law for being ill with her Saturday. Today Stan is finding out if he will get a pay increase for his new position. He says he's walking out if not. He can't do that! We can't afford that. He will never find another job that he can tolerate and make the $ he's making now. He can drive me up the wall sometimes.

I still haven't heard about EJ's physc ed and nero physc testing. Will call & bug them about it. Savannah's new nurse seems to be doing great- so far.

I normally am a bright & happy person, loving bright colors. I look at this template and realize I picked it during a time in my life that I am not so bright & happy. My posts are reflecting that too. I will cheer up soon and be happy again.

2004-03-19T22:44:00.000-05:00
OK. I just updated Savannah's page with ease. I guess because I have been writing there a while. I'm still feeling my way around this whole journal online. I want this to be a release fro me and a place where I can be honest without fear of anyone reading it lest I be judged. I'm also a people pleaser. I have issues. No one in my family knows about this except for Angi. I'm sure she will be reading it as I do hers. No privacy for you chick! Anyway, I don't have to worry about Angi, she knows when to keep her mouth shut. There are a few people I don't want to read this -period, and I guess after I get over that fear I will be more comfortable.

I made the call today. A call I have been trying to make for over a year now. I wonder if I will keep the appointment? I am so scared. It's not like I'm doing it. just getting more info. That's all. Why do they have to have Savannah there if we aren't actually going through it yet? It's very scary to even think about it. I have to breathe and not project. Just info. That's all. The closer it comes time for our trip the more nerve wrecked I get anyhow. I have a fear of dyeing in a car wreck. If my whole family is with me it doesn't bother me as bad. Maybe we would all got together that way. EJ is begging to go this time. Especially since it's going to be a 3-4 day trip. I will let him go. He hasn't got to stay in the Ronald McDonald house yet. I need to call them tomorrow and get on the list. I hate being gone that long. It is so hard o pack for Savannah. The things that she needs for her health are only available at my house. If I forget something I can't go to the store or even the hospital to get it. A lot of her things I can't pack until we are leaving because I use them.

2004-03-19T20:22:00.000-05:00
Well, I have accomplished the ad thing thanks to my friend:~) I sit to write & end up working on my template instead. You see, I am a perfectionist. A disorganized perfectionist. These 2 do not go together. I haven't had the time to be organized lately. I would very much prefer all the links and do da's that I want to create in this blog be completed before I get into too much of my mind. Or is it that I'm not ready to dig deep yet & I'm using excuses. Yes, I am the world's best procrastinator too!

This is a short intro to myself & family. I have been married to my wonderful butt hole husband for a little over 6 years. We have 3 kids between us. Two boys, Zack & Luke in heaven, & Savannah who is 3. EJ, "my" son is 13 and I haven't seen his father since I was 12 weeks pregnant. I don't ever see or talk to my father nor do I want to. More about that later. My mom is the most precious & deserving person I know. Talk about keeping the pieces together! My 23 yo sis is immature and pushy but I love her to death and she means well. Just still young. My 32 yo gay brother lives in FL. with his partner. I hope they don't go to San Diego & get married lol. My aunts, uncles, cousins etc are all distant. I live on a hill along with my husbands family. Good security but nosey!

2004-03-17T21:01:00.000-05:00
Ok I am on a new mission The ad in this template drives me nuts. Be back soon I hope!

2004-03-17T16:17:00.000-05:00
OK I have been looking for literally hours for the right template. I will find a pic I like but not the layout. I really like this and am going to do some work to it... Another day.

Today was Rhonda's, Savannah's nurse, last day! yea She really would get on my nerves following me around instead of Savannah. I mean come on. This is respite care for me. A new nurse will start Friday. Can't wait to see how she does.

Stan has called me 3 times today telling me he is about to walk out from his job. Last Friday he was put in a different position as front man for service & parts. He knew it was a stressful job before he took it but wanted to climb the ladder. Now I get to listen to him complain everyday I guess. EJ has had a really hard time thinking for himself today. I told him I didn't think we were ever going to have a good day again. Savannah had great fun @ speech & OT today. Always wears her out but the trip to Donalds for fries afterwards perks her up a little. She has been asleep for an hour or so. That's good because I can play on here! Ok I have about an hour before the hubby gets home so I am going to go clean up!

2004-03-16T22:01:00.000-05:00
Ok. My best friend discovered blogger & blogs and loves me enough to have shared this great info with me! I can't wait to get started. I mean getting all my feelings out of me. I use to keep a journal and then Stan, my husband found it and laughed at me. The entry he read was very serious and about our relationship. This was 3 years ago and I have only written maybe half a dozen times since then. I am really tired & still have to figure protein, tube feed and all that fun nightly stuff but I had to get started! I was thinking about it all day today!

When I got home tonight Savannah had just dozed off. I know this because she dropped her sippy cup a jerked it back to her mouth. I laid down beside her and held her watching her sleep. I kissed her and said I love you so that she would know I was home. EJ met me outside as usual. He always does that. Then 10 minutes later he was asleep on the couch. Stan was busy playing his game so I made dinner. I am so glad I finished this paint today. I am ready to be at home again. Stan is too. He said "you need to be here where you belong"...? Just 2 days ago he was saying how much he wished I could work. Men... Ok I have to go do my chores which includes a few more tweaks on my blog of course!! And then it's night night time for me. I hope my back doesn't hurt me tonight.

R	Responsible
E	Elitist
N	New
E	Exciting
E	Enchanting

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	A dinosaur
If not then you were:	A crazy guy on the S-Train

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